We do not talk enough about the shame that comes with experiencing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I’m not talking about the feelings of shame that are often ensnared with obsessive thoughts. Rather, the shame that comes with having a mental health disorder that is deeply stigmatized and misunderstood can be just as debilitating as the disorder itself.
As someone with OCD, you may have heard things from friends or family like “why can’t you just get over it?” or “it hurts me that you see me as dirty.” Often, well meaning people mistakenly attribute a sense of intentionality or maliciousness to the behaviors of those with OCD. This can be deeply painful and lead to vicious self criticism for those with OCD.
Within our personal circles there is room to change how we talk about OCD whether we have it or not. Here are a few examples of statements that you might pull out of your pocket, the next time someone makes a misinformed or disparaging comment about the OCD experience. These statements use the GIVE skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
I hear you. It can be hard to understand OCD. My brain has learned to cope with fear and uncertainty in a maladaptive way. It’s really hard but I am working on it.
I hear that it was really hard for you when I didn’t come to your event. It was hard for me as well when I wasn’t able to come out to events like this. I was trying to stay safe. Now I am learning that I cannot control the outcome of things.
You will notice that both of these statements start with “I hear you.” According to the GIVE skill, even in the midst of conflict, we can maintain respect and understanding in our relationships by being Gentle, acting Interested in the other perspective, Validating others’ thoughts and feelings, and using an Easy going manner.
You don’t have to challenge someone every time they say something unkind about those who have OCD (and if OCD is telling you that you might need to start a ritual around this to protect your relationships, observe the thought without judgment and return to the present moment). It is important to notice how OCD stigma, or OCD shame, is impacting you and to practice self compassion. You are working to change the grip that OCD has on your life, even just by reading this page.
Take care,
Po
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