I hate college. What now?

American culture is saturated with images and stories of the joy of the college experience. From movies set on college campuses to that uncle who loves to reminisce about his days at The Best University Ever, representations of what college "should be" are everywhere.

But what happens if you get to campus and you absolutely hate it? Those friends you thought you'd spend time hanging out with have yet to materialize. Professors don't have time to answer your questions. Parties are an overstimulating awkward nightmare. Maybe your living situation feels dire.

If you are feeling this way, despair can feel like a lead weight dragging you down. However, there are a few things you can do to start to turn a negative college experience around.

Resist the urge to retreat into your room after experiencing rejection.

When it seems like everyone has already found their friend group, it may be temping to isolate in your room and avoid socializing. Social anxiety falsely tells us that every new social experience will be just like the negative ones we've had in the past.

Instead of hiding from people, try attending a structured social activity like a club or an exercise class. You might not immediately make friends, but showing up consistently gives you the opportunity to get to know people.

Start a conversation with a classmate.

I recognize how scary it can be to talk to new people, especially in a place like a lecture

hall or lab. At the same time, we sometimes have to initiate conversation in order to get

to know people.

Sometimes, limiting thinking patterns (like mind-reading and generalizing) make us

assume that other people are going to react in a certain way. The reality is, we can't

know. Maybe something good could happen!

Avoid the sunk-cost fallacy

The sunk-cost fallacy is the idea that because we've already invested in something, we have to continue doing it or all our effort is wasted. This type of black and white thinking can keep us from making needed change.

Perhaps you've realized what you want to do doesn't require a college degree or that you don't see a sustainable future in the field you are majoring in. Perhaps the college you chose is not the right fit. If you are in any of these situations, it is okay to sit down with your family, and advisor, to talk about the changes you need to make.

You are an adult who is allowed to have a say in your life.

Find support

If you are struggling with things like excessive worry, hopelessness, isolation or low motivation, make an appointment with a therapist at your counseling center. Information can usually be found on your school's website or on the back of your ID card.

For those who are struggling with the social pressures of college, find an affinity group where you can build community around the issues you are going through. You might want to do this if you are a first generation student or are feeling "behind" academically. Although, Accessibility Services might seem reserved for students with disabilities, it can be an important starting point in finding academic support. Walk in and talk to someone. If they can't help, they can point you in the right direction.

Avoid comparison

Please remember: those people who seem to get everything immediately in class or

always say "this is so easy" are either not being fully honest or have had extensive

academic support prior to college. Before you rush to compare yourself to other

students, ask questions like:

"Did they have a private tutor in high school?"

"Did their parents go to college?"

"Do they have to work while attending classes?"

Finally, remember that you do not have to be perfect or learn at light speed to achieve your goals.

You do not have to immediately understand the course material to pass an

assignment. Rather through repetition and practice, you can master material that

initially seems confusing.

People who need more time to internalize information graduate from college everyday. Even if you fail a whole class, you can still graduate from college.

Best,

Po

P.S. If you feel like you are in immediate danger of hurting yourself or others call 988, 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.